Invite me or force me?

If you invite me to do something, do I have a choice to say 'yes' or 'no'? If the question is in English, the answer would be a definite "Yes, you have a choice". After all, you didn't say that I had to do it. I can always choose to say "no" if I don't feel like it or it is not convenient.

However, I have discovered this may not be true in other languages. I found that in two Asian languages (Khmer and Indonesian), when you say you are inviting someone to do something, it is simply being polite. In some instances, the thing you are invited to do is compulsory. Huh? I have reacted in one of two ways: frustration or laughter.

Let me give you examples of what I mean:
I was on a bus going from Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. The bus company is a Cambodian one, so the bus attendant gave instructions in both Khmer and English. As we approached the border crossing, the Attendant stood in front of the bus to give us passengers instructions when crossing the border. He was polite in saying in English: "When the bus stops at the border, you are invited to get off the bus and get your passport stamped at the checkpoint..." He repeated the same instructions in Khmer. Since I understand both English and Khmer, I knew that the English was simply a literal translation of the Khmer. Since I was sitting in the front row, I had to do all that I could to stop myself from bursting out laughing!

Why? Every passenger has to get off the bus to get his passport stamped at the border crossing. We have no choice! I was relating the story to my Filipino friends living in Phnom Penh, and they promptly burst out laughing when I got to "you are invited to get off the bus". If we don't have a choice in the matter, don't "invite" us, tell us politely!

Example 2: Each month, I receive an email and a phone text message informing me of the monthly meeting I must attend. The opening line always reads: "You are invited to the monthly Workers' Prayer Meeting ..." At the end of the email and the text message, this line appears: "Attendance is compulsory." When I first started receiving these messages, I was flabbergasted! As in the example above, my reaction was, "What do you mean 'invite' me then tell me that I have to go?!" The next reaction became frustration. The ones who crafted the messages are Indonesians who have varying levels of English proficiency. My Indonesian friend laughed at me. She explained that the use of the word "invite" in Indonesian denotes politeness. Yes, well, if used in English, it takes on an entirely different connotation! My last retort was that they need to study English all over again.

What's the problem here? We simply speak the foreign language in exactly the same way we would our native language. We literally translate the sentence in our heads, then speak it out, thinking it is correct. Wrong move! No two languages are exactly alike. We need to learn a language well enough to speak it the way it should be spoken. No word for word translations. Misunderstanding results when we think we know what we are saying but have actually unintentionally communicated the wrong message.

So what should the instructions or email/text message read in English?

When we arrive at the border crossing, please get off the bus and have your passport stamped by the Immigration Officer before boarding the bus again.

Kindly note that the monthly Workers' Prayer Meeting will be held as follows: (date, time, venue). Please note that attendance is compulsory.

At the end of the day, we're not all perfect. Learning is lifelong. Let's learn to laugh at ourselves and enjoy the learning journey! We'll get there someday.

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