Friday 31 August 2012

Oral cultures

I come from a wired country.  We text, email, Whatsapp, chat, Facebook, etc, etc.  The scary thing is we don't seem to know how to communicate face-to-face anymore!

When I went to Bangkok for a 3-week working trip. I noticed anybody and everybody talking on the mobile phone constantly.  Some were trying to juggle two mobile phones at the same time, talking to 2 different people.  Finally, I asked one of the staff in the office if mobile communication was cheap in Thailand.  She said "yes" because phone companies are always having promotions to get new customers.

That aside, I found that in reality, Thai people belong to what we would call an "oral culture".  In other words, Thai people much prefer talking than writing, even if it's a 160 character text message.  No wonder I never ever got responses to my emails and text messages!  If I wanted a response, I needed to pick up a telephone and call.  Forget about email.

I also discovered that once a group of Thais start talking while supposedly doing some work, their mouths took over and the hands stopped working!  It took 5 young ladies all day to check 20 sleeping bags because they were talking the whole time!

My Thai friend who runs a catering service said that she made it a rule in her kitchen that no one is allowed to talk during work hours.  She told them they could talk if their hands continued working, but it didn't work.  So, no talking.  Her husband is Singaporean and she lived and worked in Singapore for many years.  Her work style is not laid back Thai, but efficient Singaporean.

Cultural quirks can drive us crazy.  Let's get creative and learn to work around them, like my Thai friend.  A little give and take can ease a whole lot of stress and frustration.  Some prior mental preparation can also help.  Find a book on culture at www.funlanguagetools.com!

Happy cultural learning experiences!


Thursday 30 August 2012

Punctuality - make it a habit

Rubber time is the no. 1 cultural quirk of many Asians.  Name a country in Asia, and it's very likely the people there have no concept of time, or respect for someone's time.

"We'll meet at 2pm" means:
Cambodia: we leave the house at 2pm and get there at whatever time we arrive
Philippines: we leave about 2 hours before, but arrive 2 hours late i.e. at 4pm
Indonesia: we leave in ample time, but arrive at least an hour late i.e. 3pm or later
Vietnam: we arrive late because we had to finish what we were doing 1st, then leave for the meeting
Thailand: we arrive about 10-15 minutes late 

Exceptions: Singapore, Malaysia, Brunei, China, Hong Kong, Taiwan (certainly not an exhaustive list).  In these places, 2pm means 2pm, or even 1:45pm.

Westerners working in those cultures with habitually late people either end up with high blood pressure or end up becoming like them.  Adapting does not mean being sucked into a bad cultural habit.  Lack of punctuality is selfish.  It reeks of disrespect for your fellow man.  Let's learn to honour one another by simply being on time or a little early.  This simple gesture can help you clinch the million dollar deal or lose it.  It's that simple.

Happy learning and adapting!

Wednesday 29 August 2012

Are we curt or efficient?

Singaporeans (and sometimes Malaysians too) have often been accused of being curt in their communication, especially by SMS or text messages.  In our hurry to get the message across in 160 characters or less, we cut out all "social" language and cut straight to the point. 

Let me quote an example.  I want to invite my friend for dinner.  I haven't communicated with her in some months.  I send her a text message: "hi. u free 4dinner next Wed?"  In Singapore, that's perfectly acceptable.  I would not be offended by the brevity of the message.  I would simply respond with a "yes" or a "no" and maybe a place and time to meet.

But, in other parts of Asia, I have first to be "social": My text message would be: "hi.  how r u? hv nt talked in awhile.  wat's going on with u?  m fine.  my work is ok.  i like wat m doing."  Then I'd wait for a similar "social" response.  After 3-4 such exchanges, then can I ask her for dinner!

Personally, I detest all this "idle chatter".  It's a complete waste of my time and uses up my text messages.  But, I've learned to be social when talking to friends from those countries.  What I did to adapt is to go along with the conversation, but don't let it go on forever.  Allow for a minute or two of "small talk", then go straight into the point of the conversation.  It works!

I've done this with Cambodians and they are perfectly happy with my approach.  Often, they don't know how to bring up the issue, so end up beating around the bush for a long time.  To help them out, I draw it out of them in a much shorter time.  At the end of it, we don't have a clash of cultures, but a "win-win" situation.  Both of us are happy.

Do you have a story to tell about culture differences?  Share it with me!

Tuesday 28 August 2012

Cure for homesickness

Homesickness is inevitable when you move to a new culture.  Sooner or later it will hit you.  What do you do?  Cry? Bury yourself in work? Hide in your room for hours/days?  I've been there and done that.  Doesn't work.

What has helped me overcome is finding friends from the same culture to hang out with.  They may not be your fellow countrymen.  They could well be people from another culture that you're more familiar with than the one you're living in.  Let me explain.

In 1995, when I spent a year in Phnom Penh, the country was still coming out of isolation after years of war.  The expatriate community was small.  Everybody non-Cambodian knew everybody else.  Thanks to my Singaporean friend Bob who loved to entertain, we had potluck dinners every 3 months or so.  Everybody expat was invited and everybody brought a dish.  We would talk and laugh for a few hours, all in a world of our own.

Every Thursday, I would end up at Bob's place to watch cable TV or a movie with his other expat staff, just to get away for some hours.  I found a cheap Chinese restaurant owned by a Hong Kong boss.  That was my other escape to "Hong Kong" for an hour or so every few weeks.

My next tour of duty was in 2001.  Phnom Penh was now more developed, but I still needed expat friends.  I had a few I could call on at a moment's notice, to go eat lunch with.  Every Friday, I joined 4F - Filipino and Friends Friday Fellowship for 3 hours of crazy laughter and good food.  Tuesday nights were with an expat prayer group to pray for Cambodia, but we had good conversations too.

I went hunting for my own Asian expat friends to hang out with.  I was the only Asian expat staff in my office.  Celebrations like American Thanksgiving were so boring to me.  It isn't my culture.  I can't relate.  Thanks to my wonderful Asian friends, I enjoyed my time in Phnom Penh so much.  We're still in touch today.  

Reach out and find your own little niche to overcome homesickness.  Life is so much more fun that way.  We can learn a whole lot more as well.

Happy friend-hunting!

Monday 27 August 2012

I speak Chinese - or so I thought

An article in the newspaper yesterday set me thinking.  The journalist is a Singaporean, English-educated Chinese lady who is posted to Beijing to cover stories in China.  She received all kinds of remarks from friends and colleagues wondering how she would survive there.  And rightly so ...

She met so many non-Chinese residents of Beijing who put her Mandarin skills to shame.  They could spout of ancient Chinese literature and explain the meanings of terminology that was completely alien to her.  She felt more at home in Myanmar (in a previous job assignment) than in China, the home of her ancestors, despite not knowing a word of Burmese.

I feel the same.  I love China and the Chinese people.  But the country is so vast that one end of China is very different from the other.  Cities and rural areas contrast starkly.  People's accents and languages differ greatly.  "My friend's father was supposedly speaking Mandarin, but I couldn't understand him," my China friend commented.

What's the issue here?  Culture.  Singapore is located in SE Asia.  China is in NE Asia.  As different as the 11 nations of SE Asia may be, we really are quite similar, especially those of us who have been colonised by the British.  We eat with a fork and spoon, with our rice on a plate. The shades of our skin are very similar.  Our features make it sometimes difficult to tell us apart.  We can move easily across borders and adapt quite well.  Friendly people make all the difference.

Our surroundings have bound us together as one, much more than our ancestral bloodlines.  Can I adapt to China?  Probably.  But it might take longer than adapting in a neighbouring SE Asian country.  Culture makes all the difference.

Happy adapting!

Friday 24 August 2012

New culture isn't always a physical location

Having to adapt to a new culture isn't always about moving to a new country or location.  It just struck me that I am currently trying to adapt to a new culture - the world of social media and marketing!  I haven't moved to a new physical location, but boy, have I had to learn so much in such a short time!

I am not averse to the internet or learning new things.  I joined Facebook to see what the young people I was teaching were up to.  I only became active when I saw how my friend in her 50s used it to encourage people and provide up-to-date, inside news about critical issues around the world.  Then I began to do the same in my little circle of friends.

In the last few months, I've started this blog and began feeling my way around cyberspace.  I started a Facebook page for my business but deleted it because I didn't know how to improve it.  I'm going to start it again soon enough.

I am stalling on Twitter because I don't have something to tweet about daily!  It's hard enough finding stuff to blog about everyday!

But, the world of social media has been very kind to me.  I don't have to learn very much to try it out, and for free.  I'm slowly getting the hang of writing bits and pieces every so often.  I subscribe to a blog to help me get better at this.  Ideas come slowly, but they do flow.  Life is good.

Unless I try, I will always succeed.  So, I'm on a journey with social media and enjoying every bit.

Happy socialising!

Thursday 23 August 2012

Am I racist?

"Am I racist? Yes!" My friend Joanne was adamant about this.  She really is a very nice lady.  We got along very well.  In our little multi-racial department, we all worked very well as a team.

So, why would she say something like that?  Her first day in Perth, Australia, as a newly arrived 18 year old about to start university, she was hit on the head by an empty beer can.  The can was thrown by a group of white youth, shouting, "Go home, Ching Chong!"  That incident caused her to keep that "racist" attitude for years afterwards.

She survived and graduated, but she was left with a very bad impression of that group of white Australians.  End of any desire to move to another country for an extended period of time.

Liz Stuart found Singaporeans very friendly, which made her fears disappear and her stay a very enjoyable one.  Thank you, Singaporeans, for being so welcoming, even though the newspapers seem to say otherwise - that we resent the increasing numbers of foreign workers in our midst. 

It takes two to clap.  Adapting to a new place requires me to reach out to the locals and get myself involved in local life.  But it also requires the locals to extend their hand of friendship to welcome me into their homes and lives.  I have tried to do both.

In my years living in another country, I've tried to make local friends - and many of them are still my good friends today.  I love them so much!  Now that I live in Singapore, I try to be "family away from home" for the few foreign students who have come here to study.  Friends make adapting to a new culture so much easier, and creates lasting memories for us.

Reach out to someone today!  Be a friend!

Wednesday 22 August 2012

You have to reach out

Well, we arrived in Singapore from Sydney, Australia uncertain, and a bit afraid on the 16th of feb with two little girls. We arrived that night and my husband had to leave the next morning for work, which meant him being away overseas for a couple of days, so I was pretty nervous about that. I was nervous because i didnt know how to get around, what to eat, what the people were like etc. I was quite surprised! I just relaxed and just walked around the area with the girls. I soon found out that people were really friendly, the heat wasn't as bad as I thought, and I enjoyed the cheap food!

For the first three weeks I would have to say that nearly every afternoon I felt dizzy, light headed, and just plain strange. I guess even a 7 and a half hour trip can give you jet lag!
The thing I found absolutely fantastic in Singapore was the taxi drivers. They are so full of helpful information, and I have gained a lot of knowledge from them!

I am the type of person to want to mix with the locals and not get stuck in an expat group! I believe it is a good thing to be able mix with both expat and local people.
A smile can go a long way! Everyday I smile at most people, and most people smile back. I find personally Singaporeans are a very friendly people to those who reach out to them....
They are culturally not as outwardly affectionate as our culture, but they are quick to respond in a positive way. Sometimes it takes you to make the first step in friendships, but it is worth it! The taxi drivers are very friendly, and just that really helps too!

I did find that for the first month and a bit I had one day at the end of every week where I would just cry and feel really down, but I guess it was just an adjusting time......allow for that. Some it takes longer, but because I found great friends in neighbors and a fantastic church which just took me in and made me feel like family I adjusted a lot quicker.
You have to make an effort! You have to reach out to people, because remember every culture is different and the way others are brought up may not be the same as your upbringing. So, be understanding,  take every day slowly, and be ready to get out of your comfort zone!

Liz Stuart is an Australian who has lived in Singapore since 16 Feb 2012.

Tuesday 21 August 2012

I am a student

"I don't know anything.  I am a student." - Dr James Hudson Taylor III

Dr Taylor was born and raised in China.  His whole life was devoted to the Chinese people.  He spoke fluent Mandarin and English.  He was as Chinese as could be - an egg, if you like: white on the outside, yellow on the inside.  He spoke much better Mandarin than any of us Singaporeans in the room.  18 of us were attending a briefing by him before going on an English-teaching trip to Sichuan.

Practical tips aside, the one line that has guided me all these years as I live and travel to different parts of the world and experience different cultures, has been "I don't know anything.  I am a student."  What gems of experience Dr Taylor could dispense are all summed up in this one line.  It has helped me overcome numerous frustrations and made me a much nicer person to be with.

As I meet people from different countries and cultures, I have sought to ask questions and "be a student" of the person I meet.  I don't want to assume.  Assumption has brought me nothing but trouble.  Being a student has opened up new worlds to me.  I have learned that different parts of China use different words for the same thing, even though they're all speaking Putonghua (or Mandarin, as it is called in China).  

Then again, in Lanzhou, Mandarin is called Hanyu, not Putonghua.  Same difference.  But, if I weren't a student, I'd never know that.

Be a student.  Ask questions with an attitude to learn.  Adjustment to a new culture will be made much easier.

Happy learning!

Fun Language Tools

Friday 17 August 2012

Is the weather affecting you?

"It's so hot.  I just can't stand the heat any longer."

In the last few weeks, I have heard this refrain over and over again.  Ya, ya - global warming.  But frankly, when I moved Phnom Penh in 1995 for a year, I heard this line from foreigners till it was like a broken record.  Granted, daily temperatures averaging 36-40 deg C is not exactly bearable, but the looks on the faces of the locals made me cringe even more.

I could see the poverty-stricken Khmer people saying to themselves, "Sure you can complain.  In a few days, you'll be going home to your comfortable homes and countries, but we have nowhere else to go.  Hot or not, we have to bear with it."  The incessant complaints of the foreigners who came "to serve the Khmer people and bring them the love of God in a tangible way" were demoralising the local people who did not know God or had even heard about Him.

When my pastor's wife said to me, "I'm going to brief the youth who are going to Phnom Penh next month.  What advice would you give them?"  My first and immediate answer was "Don't complain.  Your complaints demoralise and discourage the people."

Complaining is a sin and a disease that does improve anything.  It only makes you feel much worse than you already are.  Let's choose instead to forget about the heat and focus on the important - what am I here to do?  Let's do it!

We will never be able to change the weather, but we can always change our attitude.  Let's choose to be positive!

Thursday 16 August 2012

What a difference time makes

I first visited Phnom Penh, Cambodia, in 1994.  I loved the place so much that I moved there for a year in 1995.  Frustrations abounded then: constant miscommunication, lack of running water, no constant supply of stable electricity current, everything breaks down all the time, etc, etc.

What a steep learning curve to move from modern Singapore to Phnom Penh that was picking itself up slowly after years of war and isolation.  But, I survived.  I learned to use the many hours of no electricity to memorise and write the Khmer alphabet, and later the language.  I couldn't work on the computer, so might as well put my time to good use.

I learned to carry buckets of water upstairs several times a day, so we could keep the constantly dusty house somewhat less dusty.

I learned to look carefully at a glass of water before drinking, to see if there was any mosquito larva floating around in the water.

6 years later, in 2001, I moved there "for good" - actually 6 years before deciding my time there was up.  How things have changed!  So many young people can speak decent English, so I found no lack of "Khmer teachers" who were more than eager to help me brush up on my Khmer.  Miscommunication still happened, but much less frequently - and certainly less frustration.

Clean running water!  What a luxury!  The water out of the tap is clear, except for the occasional brown stuff which happened every few months.  But, now I could drink the tap water after it had been in the sun for a day.  No more "floaties" to look out for.

The world is constantly changing.  No place remains static.  Whatever experiences I had in the 1990s are now part of history, never to be repeated.  6 years later, I had to learn to adapt all over again.  Never assume that "I've been there and done that.  Piece of cake".  The only attitude that we need to keep is "I am a student.  I am here to learn from you."  You'll be surprised what lessons await.

Happy learning!

Wednesday 15 August 2012

Will I adapt?

I have lived in the following places so far: 
Manila, Philippines
Eugene, Oregon, USA
Gainesville, Florida, USA
Honolulu, Hawaii, USA
Singapore
Phnom Penh, Cambodia

I have also visited many other countries and tried to learn a bit about their culture and customs.

When I was younger, the thought of adapting to a new environment never crossed my mind.  I moved to a new place for work - the main reason why I ended up living in so many places for some period of time.  

I enjoyed every new place and made new friends (many are still friends today).  Perhaps the only place I never really got used to was Gainesville.  I was the lone Asian in a WASP (White Anglo Saxon Protestant) office.  Since I was an intern, I didn't own a car and could not get around on my own because there was no public transport in that college-town.  I lived with a white family who were so lovely, but I just didn't get used to life there.

Today, "cross-cultural" is the buzzword.  Companies sending employees to another country for work make great pains to prepare the staff and his family for the move.  There are books and videos to help make a smooth transition.  I've never read or watched any of them.  I just packed my bags and got on the plane.  

Am I adventurous?  Maybe.  If you're fearful of the move, go read a book or scour the internet for info.  It could make the transition a happy one.

Happy reading and learning!

Psst: you can find a book here: http://funlanguagetools.com/adjust_to_new.html

Tuesday 14 August 2012

People Movement

"God said to me that the only other thing that will remain constant in the years to come, (of course, God Himself remains constant and never changes), is people movement, " my friend said to me this morning.

People movement: people moving from one place to another.  They can move to another country, city, community, even to another location within the same country.  Any kind of move requires some kind of adjustment, big or small.  Moving to a bigger or smaller home makes me realise how much stuff I have accumulated over the years.  I have to learn how to get around the new surroundings.  What time must I leave for work now?  Will it take longer or shorter than before?  Who are my neighbours?  

Moving to a new city or country simply magnifies those questions.  Will I be able to adapt?  Do I have to learn a new language?  What are the customs and manners of this new place?  I hope I don't end up offending people for life.

Don't fret.  There is help.  You can read all about your new place through books and websites.  You can even read a book on how to go "cross-cultural".  Granted you will never be 100% prepared, but some preparation can help ease anxiety and make the transition so much smoother.

You can find a book to help you at Fun Language Tools: http://funlanguagetools.com/adjust_to_new.html

Happy adventures!

Monday 13 August 2012

Corina's mother - an inspiration

Corina Zheng (picture above, lying down) was born with Werdnig Hoffman, a rare disease in which the spinal nerve cells and brain cells degenerate, leading to atrophy of skeletal muscles and paralysis.  She passed away last week at the age of 50 years.

What struck me was that she taught her illiterate mother how to type (in English) 10 years ago, so that her mother could help type the notes that Corina loved sending to her friends.

"Corina told me: "I told her to look at each key on the keyboard and tell me what it reminded her of.  She said the letter S reminded her of a snake, C a half moon and ? and inverted fish hook." Together they worked out a system and her mother would help type the notes ..."

After reading this article, I wonder how many of us literates shy away from learning a new language, giving lame excuses.  Corina's mother was selfless.  She may not have been able to read or write, but she devoted herself to her daughter, not just to taking care of her physical needs, but also her emotional needs - the need to write to friends.

I learned languages mainly for selfish reasons - to communicate with people who couldn't speak my language.  Corina's mother learned to type for selfless reasons - so her daughter could communicate with others.  If this old, illiterate lady can learn the English alphabet to be able to type in English, what's stopping anyone of us from learning a language?

Happy learning!

Friday 10 August 2012

Tech Support should not be a pain

All my past experiences (only around 5 calls to various Tech Support departments in different companies) have been positive.  They've managed to solve my problem in a jiffy.  I've so far always given positive feedback.

Well, I just spent more than 2 hours on the phone with Tech Support in Singapore, trying to figure out why my new Magic Jack Plus wouldn't work by just plugging in into the internet router, just like the picture instructions said.  The patient man did his level best.  I gave him a glowing report.

But, he couldn't solve my problem!  Tech Support at Magic Jack sent me from 1 agent to the "top 10%" agent to try and solve my problem.  Between the 2 Tech Support agents, my Singapore officer was following the instructions carefully.  No success.  Round and round we went.  Still "error 2, check your internet connection".  Over and over again I dialled the same number.  Should have memorised it by now, but I didn't.

When I finally gave up, Magic Jack Tech Support sent me a picture diagram on how to wire up the system!  I did that all on my own!  It isn't the wiring!  It's something with the connection!  I gave up.  I'm using Magic Jack with the computer.  It works perfectly fine.

Tech Support shouldn't send me multiple instructions that I've done so many times and yet no success.  

I'm not a techie.  I depend a lot on Tech Support.  I may speak several languages, but computer language is foreign to me!  I don't know if I want to learn it.  I will continue to appreciate Tech Support.

Happy learning to all the techies out there.

Wednesday 8 August 2012

Fill a child's life today!

Photo: Like and Share... <3
Parents are, and will always be, the primary giver of love in a child's life.  Let's build a loving environment into any and every child, so that he/she can grow to be the best he was created to be!

Tuesday 7 August 2012

The Lion and the Giraffe

Which animal are you?  We were made for greatness (like the lion), but too often we're trying to be something we were not created for.  A lion on stilts will never be able to run fast or catch prey.  Does he look like the "King of the Jungle" on stilts?  Of course not!  He actually looks ridiculous like that!

Language learning is no different.  Don't compare yourself with someone else.  Go at your own pace.  Eat what you can chew.  Little by little, you will get it.  It may take you a little longer, but enjoy the journey!  

Learning is not a destination, it's a journey of discovery.  Take time to smell the roses.  You will learn a whole lot more that way.



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Monday 6 August 2012

Word associations

"There are over 200 Afrikaans words in Russian, because Peter the Great went to Holland to study shipbuilding."  My South African friend was telling me this fact because she's spent 16 years in Russia.  The common link between Afrikaans and Russian?  Dutch!


"A smelly toilet is called 'toi toi' in Russian.  When the black people go out and riot in the streets, that's also called 'toi toi'," she explained with a laugh.


Well, the words may be the same, but the meaning is entirely different!  A smelly toilet and rioting have nothing to do with each other!


But, if you're learning a new language, these little "non-related" associations can help you move from "I'll never get this language!" to "Hey, I recognise that word!  It means ..."  There is no fixed formula to learning a language.  Every person is different in the way we learn and remember.  Find what works for you!


You can keep a small notebook and write down new words as you come across them.  Or, put a note to yourself in your smartphone.  Draw a picture.  Associate the new word with something familiar.  If it works for you, use it!  Don't bother with what others say.  The goal is always the same: to learn a new language so I can communicate.


Happy learning!